We spoke about homeostasis today in Addictions class. It was interesting. Not the subject, it was all very basic overview of a much more complicated topic I’d learned in greater detail in a previous Biology class. Balance, counterbalance… I think I’ve written before that in the end, everything comes back to homeostasis. Eating… digestion… a homeostatic function. The parasympathetic nervous system (what reacts to the fight or flight reaction) regulates digestion.
When an addict gets off drugs, let’s say cocaine, depression will often set in. What is happening is that dopamine, the chemical that makes you feel pleasure, has been replaced by the cocaine, so the body slowly stops producing it. Once the addict removes the drug, he has no dopamine (or applicable replacement) to keep a proper emotional homeostasis. Eventually the body adapts, and some sort of homeostasis is established. Our chemistry changes.
I’ve been feeling better as of late. I’m dealing with a lot of stress, a lot of challenges in my life regarding school and work. However, I’m feeling better. I don’t get constantly triggered by things. I still feel pain a lot, but I’m usually not crippled by it. I don’t feel depressed anymore. I’ve lost a heaviness I think. We’re all addicts, addicted to our chemistry. I want to describe myself and my story as an addict to my old life, as going through depression when I abstained from my old chemistry, with all of the behaviors and thought processes that were tied to it. My chemistry has changed, is changing.
What an odd feeling to become aware of such a change. I’m a new person in some way. I’m establishing a new sort of mental homeostasis. I’m usually not one to be considered one who puts much hope into anything. But for this… I think I do have real hope.
Do we have free will? No. If I had free will I would have chosen hope years ago, but I could not. But did my behaviors, goals, and attitudes affect the position I’m in today? Yes. If I were the man I am, I would not be in the place I am. That’s what I mean when I quote “I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul”.
